“My Dog is My Child,” You Say? Stoppit, Please!


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You know, I just hate it when people use terms like “furkids

and “furbabies” and blather on about how their dogs are their children.

Listen up – your dog is not a child. MY dogs are not my children. I don’t like children, and what I like about my dogs is in no small measure due to the fact that they are NOT children.

Furkids. God, kill me now!

And yet, if you Google “furkids,” you’ll find any number of websites where idiots are going to claim that their dogs are their children.


I’m sorry, but you did not give birth to your dog, and he is not your child by any stretch of the imagination.

More Nonsense

If you Google “furkids” you’ll find all manner of nonsense – people who refer to their dogs as their “babies,” call themselves “Mommy” and “Daddy,” and even worse, refer to their own parents as “My furkid’s Nana and Poppy.”

Well, first off, you shouldn’t even do that in human terms. How did we end up with “Nana” and “Poppy”? Nana is the dog in the Peter Pan story. Poppy is a flower.  Whatever happened to “’Grandmother,” “Grandfather,” “Gramps,” “Granny” and so on?

Okay, I know I’m just being nasty, but hey, this is my blog, so I’ll be nasty if I want to.

Now, back to “furkids.”

I suppose that you might make the argument that I shouldn’t object to this terminology since dogs are part of our family. Kids, in other words. But I’m sorry, I just don’t like it, and here are three reasons.

Dogs are Not Human

When you use the term “furkids,” you’re creating a divide between humans and animals, and you’re devaluing both.  I’m not crazy about human children, and when you tell me that my dogs are my “furkids,” and you tell me, oh so condescendingly, that I’m somehow using my dogs as an inferior substitute, you disrespect my dogs and me. I have chosen to have dogs as opposed to kids, and where the hell do you get off disrespecting my choice? I don’t smile at you condescendingly and say “Your kids are your dog substitutes,” do I? Respect my choice, and I will respect yours.

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I Most Certainly DO Know What I’m Missing!

Another thing that really rots my socks is when well-meaning parents of human children inform me that I “don’t know what I’m missing.”

Actually, I’m pretty sure that I do know, and that’s why I’ve chosen dogs over human children. Don’t impose your lifestyle upon me, and I won’t impose mine on you. Sound fair?

“Furkids” Are Rotten Little Shits

I’m sorry, but it’s true.  Most of these so-called “furkids” are attached to neurotic humans who are spoiled rotten. They have no rules, and they’re the creatures of people who just want to spoil them rotten. They don’t have jobs, and they don’t have real lives, and they’re just pampered beyond reason. It’s no wonder they’re neurotic!

The Final Word

Your dog is not your child. Stoppit. Your dog can be a good companion, a wonderful friend, and the love of your life, but he is NOT. YOUR. CHILD. If you think he is, then all I can say is that there’s plenty of help out there for you. Go get it, and stop trying to make your dog into something that he was never meant to be,